Tuesday, March 29, 2016

When You Think You're The Only One


So many times when I share about my interest in genealogy, I hear the plaintive remark, "If only someone else in my family were interested in all this research I've done."

It is quite a concern, especially for those of us who have poured hours into researching our family's heritage. Of what good is all that documentation if there's no one to whom we can pass along all this treasure?

I have heard this remark from fellow genealogical society members. I've heard it from those just starting out in my beginner's classes—people who have always wanted to know more about their family, but feel the weight of that lonely journey. I've seen it mentioned online in genealogy blogs and forums.

Ever the optimist, I've always chirped my standard song: "Oh, there will be someone; just wait and see."

And then I worry on that person's behalf, when no one in the family materializes with an abiding interest in taking up the family's research mantel.

Just the other day, however, I found myself in the midst of an engaging phone call when I realized just what was unfolding right before me. The call was one of those pre-holiday "Happy Easter" wishes that morphed into a lengthy conversation, as we caught up on family news from one of my husband's cousins. Being a younger mom with a large family, this cousin had lots of news to share.

Somehow—I know you will find this surprising—the conversation turned to genealogy. This cousin mentioned wanting to capture information on her husband's side of the family to preserve for her own children, but being so busy with the usual daily demands of a growing family, she wasn't sure how—or when—she'd ever find the time to get started. She mentioned finding out that an uncle on her mother-in-law's side of the family had spent hours detailing the history of that side of the family.

"I should get in touch with him," she concluded, thinking he could provide some of the information she wanted to compile for her children.

That's when it occurred to me. How long might that uncle have been researching his family's history? How difficult it must have been—something not easily replicated now by a thoroughly-Americanized descendant of immigrants whose language may not even be spoken now by those in the current generation of that family. All those ethnic familiarities well-known by that uncle would be entirely foreign, should our cousin have to start from square one and reconstruct the family's story. But this uncle had already done way more than lay the groundwork.

"You really need to let him know you are interested in this stuff," I cautioned this cousin. What if the man were elderly? Or in poor health? What would his kids do with all that research, if something were to happen to him? What if his own children didn't care about all the work he'd done?

I could see it unfolding right now: an aging uncle, having devoted the better part of his life to capturing every memory and detail about his family's saga, thinking, "No one in my family is interested in this stuff."

Could he be thinking he is the only one, when here sits this busy cousin of ours, musing over maybe, someday, you know, when things settle down, contacting that uncle and asking a few questions about the family? It wouldn't surprise me to discover that being the case.

So many times, when I hear people bemoaning that "No one else is interested; I'm the only one," they are usually thinking of their own children. And they are usually thinking in terms of who is interested now.

As it often turns out, it is not the immediate next generation, nor the direct descendants who pick up that interest. It sometimes turns out to be a grandchild. Or a niece or nephew. Or even a more distant relative—one of those shirt-tail relations you've met once or twice at a wedding or funeral. The connection may be fleeting, or incidental. And maybe nothing will come of it.

For now.

But given time, that someone will return, coming back to ask a few more questions. Or to compare notes, since being inspired to launch into his or her own research.

Maybe that someone currently has a schedule that's tied in knots with two or three active preschoolers. Or a demanding job and a potential promotion on the horizon (upping the stress level to perform exponentially). Sometimes, that other side of the story will take time before it can find a suitable landing place and step into your world, where you are anxiously awaiting arrival of that someone to pass along your life's research.

Make contingency plans, of course. But just know: there may be someone out there, after all.



Above: "Grandma's Favorite," 1893 painting by Greek artist Georgios Jakobides; courtesy Wikipedia; in the public domain.

14 comments:

  1. My aunt called me just yesterday to tell me about the wonderful Easter she spent with two of her grandchildren. "C" and ""J" are in their 20s. Both of them were fascinated reading the book I did about my grandparents (my aunt's parents and their great-grandparents). Actually I am surprised they even picked it up. My point is that people are interested - they just don't know it yet. I doubt C and J are going to pick up where I leave off, but they appreciate my efforts.

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    1. I've noticed that experiences such as the one you mention, Wendy, become a form of planting the seed. Yes, they may not pick up where you leave off, but that's today. Maybe in a decade, when they've possibly had children of their own, they may think about launching into a project like yours. That, in turn, may evolve into some serious research when they reach a season in their own lives affording them more time for such pursuits. Everything in its own time. While there's no guarantee things will turn out that way, they might.

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  2. I am hoping a nephew will be interested!

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    1. You've mentioned your nephew before, Iggy, so here's hoping this is how it will turn out for you. He must already be showing some interest for you to think so. Of course, these things always take time to unfold properly, but here's hoping!

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    1. It may be a wait for that "someday," but I'm sure someone will take after you in your interests in family history, Far Side.

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  4. Yes you are the real deal. Sometimes when I'm up late, I see your post come through. Jacqi I'm starting a new blog, and hoping to post 2 a week, not everyday, but hopefully consistently 2 a week.

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    1. Wow, Grant, sometimes you are up late! Thank you for your kind words.

      I am looking forward to your new blog. Your idea of pacing yourself with two posts a week is wise. You always have interesting family stories, but anyone can get burned out with too demanding a posting schedule.

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  5. Yes, I'm hoping as well somebody in my family will pick up the torch someday. Presently I'm motivated to make what I have done more available and organized. I showed my brother a file cabinet full of genealogy and said "If something happened to me, then take care of this," (or something like that). He said, "Don't count on it." That's brothers for you. :-) But he is right I need to ORGANIZE IT and get get as much as possible on flash drives. My hope is also to keep blogging because it helps me to organized my thoughts. Well that's my rant for today.

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    1. I've always found blogging to be my best prompt for organizing thoughts...and records.

      That thought of what will become of all our research is a heavy one. Like your brother, Grant, many relatives see it as a daunting task they'd rather not take on.

      If there truly is no one in the family willing to pick up your research mantle, try to find a repository that would be interested in receiving your research. Someone will want to inherit your hard work, even if not in your immediate family.

      But, like you said, hopefully someone in your family will someday step up to pick up the torch from you. With time, it might become clearer just who that someone will be.

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  6. I have long been categorized as the family historian in my family. Last year, I was visiting family in Ohio and I had my Kindle with the Ancestry app on. It just so happened my cousin's son came over to help his grandma with something and he asked if he could see my Kindle. I let him and he just got hooked on the family tree. He couldn't believe he came from all these people. Then he wanted to add in information for his Dad's side, but it wouldn't let him because we didn't have wifi. So he went home and downloaded the app on his phone and just started walking around asking people for their information. It made me so happy! He was a senior in high school at the time, and he might never pick it up again, but it made me so happy that I could pass on something that might take root. All this from a kid everyone said would never focus on anything. Well he spent my whole week long visit filling in his information!

    I may get frustrated sometimes that no one will take it up after me but I'm starting to have faith that it's a special job for special people and the right ones will find me. I just keep sharing cool stories on social media for family. Or I post pictures to get everyone stirred up. If no one picks it up after me, it certainly won't be by lack of effort by me!

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    1. Kathleen, what a wonderful story! Thanks for sharing that encouraging experience, as well as your observations. So true: "it's a special job for special people and the right ones will find me." And your tactic of prompting interest in your family via social media is a winning approach. I've heard others mention that approach with success!

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  7. I am one of the fortunate few who has several children who are passionate about genealogy and I even have one 10 year old grandson who loves to help with research.

    Yesterday while visiting he was given the option of going out to play with his siblings and neighbor children who were playing outside or helping me find someone in the census. Without reservation he chose to help me with genealogy. Truthfully it amazes me, but he's had an interest from early on, asking questions about the ancestral pictures in my office and the heirlooms on my shelves. Several of my daughters love to research and manage to squeeze time in despite having very young children. I think once they get "bit" they somehow find the time, although it may be in small bites. I guess I am one of the lucky ones.

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    1. Michelle, how sweet to hear about your grandson! I imagine that is a heartwarming realization. You are truly blessed!

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