Thirds

 

I once was acquainted with a woman who had married her third cousin. While it may be unusual for the general public to even understand what third cousins actually are, this couple knew how their families connected.

With the advent of DNA testing, many more of us have had to learn exactly what it is that makes some of us third cousins—or even some more convoluted connections, such as third cousins once removed, or half grand-nephews. I've had more than my fair share of such relationships—just on Ancestry.com's DNA test alone, I've got almost forty five thousand DNA matches who are beyond fourth cousins to me. But a question just the other day about relationships like these third cousins and beyond stopped me short and made me consider something.

In emailing one of the DNA matches with whom I've had a running dialog, she asked whether I had ever before actually met a third cousin. In considering that thought, I had to admit, well, no (though I am about to do so this year). Though our minds can comprehend the concept—we merely claim a set of second great-grandparents in common—this is seldom a part of most people's lived experience. We are a culture in which family members move away to new locations, then lose touch with relatives left behind as we become part of our new neighborhoods and jobs.

DNA testing may have fostered a new desire to connect with long-lost relatives. I know one member of our local genealogical society who has purposefully reached out to connect with distant cousins, eventually having the chance to travel and meet some of them in person. While "Relatives at RootsTech" or "Relatives Around Me" on the FamilySearch app may be fun ways to discover connections online, it is merely a cerebral experience. Rather than simply poking a few buttons on our phone, it takes effort—not to mention trust—to reach out to an unknown someone for the goal of actually meeting distant family, face to face.

While some of the distant cousins with whom I've already connected online come from family lines I do know and understand—my in-laws' cousin connections, for instance—this latest discovery flows from the opposite side of possibilities. I sent a message to someone from my father's side of the family—that Polish lineage which I had been seeking out of a dearth of information. I knew nothing and desperately was hoping to learn from someone who surely knew more about those roots.

Collaboration online can be a helpful, even fascinating, process, but I imagine meeting in person will introduce a different dimension to the research process. While I'm sure there will be awkward instances which people walk away from, thinking, "I can't believe we are related," I'm sure there will be meetings filled with observations about unexpected connections, too. Whichever way it goes, I'm looking forward to being part of such an experience soon.