Friends in the Family

 

When it comes to reconstructing what life was like for the ancestors we are researching, those who lived in the same country as we do likely present little trouble for us in accessing the answers we seek. We can simply look up historic details about our location and find ample resources in our own language. Researching ancestors who emigrated from a foreign country, however, presents us with challenges, especially if the people in the originating country spoke a language different than ours.

Oftentimes in those cases, I turn to friends within the extended family for help. Older relatives can sometimes infuse a family history with stories of their own lived experience, adding insight—and sometimes even humor—into the genealogical narrative.

When it comes to my Puchała and Zegarski roots from Poland, however, I run into roadblocks. For one thing, my paternal grandfather made sure no one among his descendants would have any idea of his Polish roots—at least, that's the story from my older siblings and cousins who knew him personally.

So who can I turn to among those living relatives to find any inside observations about these Polish forebears? There certainly weren't any relatives from the Puchała side of the family to consult—at least, none that I have discovered so far. But the Zegarski side? Now, that's a different matter.

Thanks to DNA testing, I've discovered a number of third cousins on that side of the family. The first one I had found, years ago, was the one who pointed me to online resources in the country of Poland, which gave me a great head start. But this month, I've been wondering whether I could find anyone who actually knew any of those immigrant Zegarskis, or at least remembered their children or grandchildren. I've been on a hunt to connect with a recipient of the stories from the old country.

I noticed one distant relative (and DNA match) whose research kept popping up online, so I reached out to see if I could glean any insight on this extended family. While in 2025, the time is too distant to find anyone who personally remembered any of the immigrant Zegarskis, this researcher and I have started collaborating, an encouraging step. 

It's often beneficial to make friends from among the members of the extended family. These second and third cousins are not people I've ever met, but we have a common goal to learn about what our ancestors were really like. Yes, the hurdle of messaging someone who is essentially a stranger can seem daunting—after all, what if he or she doesn't answer?—but if we don't reach out and try to connect, we'll never attain our goal.

Granted, some people who take DNA tests only do so for specific, limited reasons—to learn about their ethnic roots, for instance, but if we look more closely at potential contacts from among our DNA matches, we can identify the most likely candidates who'd potentially respond to our message or, even better, collaborate with us.

If, in our brief introductory message to such candidates, we can identify the specific family line we are curious about, it helps to make a connection. But if we also scope out that individual's research history on that same website, we can get a better idea about who has been at this work consistently over time. Researchers who take the time to not only add documentation to their family tree, but to go out of their way to upload specific family mementos—photographs, or a letter written by an ancestor, for instance—show us the care they take to pursue those mystery roots. Unless people like these turn out to be proprietary about their research—the "don't touch my stuff" types who are, unfortunately, also out there—they may become the perfect research partner for delving into the unknown about our family history together.

Back before we had the wealth of documentation available to us online now, we used to rely far more upon connecting with other researchers. Queries on the forums of the past were full of people searching for anyone else who knew something about their brick wall ancestor. Friends in the family, back then, became a valuable research tool. With the abundance of records now at our fingertips with a click of the mouse, we seem to have forgotten the utility of reaching out and connecting with our own relatives who are seeking the same family history answers. I'm hoping that making an about-face on this trend may recharge this lagging search effort.